The Secrets of Ivy Garden Read online

  CATHERINE FERGUSON

  THE SECRETS OF IVY GARDEN

  Copyright

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction.

  The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are

  the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to

  actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is

  entirely coincidental.

  MAZE

  A division of HarperCollinsPublishers

  1 London Bridge Street

  London

  SE1 9GF

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  Copyright © Catherine Ferguson 2017

  Catherine Ferguson asserts the moral right to

  be identified as the author of this work

  A catalogue record for this book is

  available from the British Library

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

  Source ISBN: 9780008253356

  Ebook Edition © April 2017 ISBN: 9780008215736

  Version: 2017-03-22

  Dedication

  For Ian and Krysy

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Spring

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Summer

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Autumn

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Winter

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Acknowledgements

  Keep Reading…

  About the Author

  By the Same Author

  About the Publisher

  Prologue

  We stood on the dusty railway platform, Ivy and I, saying our goodbyes.

  The August sun burned down, making my hangover worse. (It turned out that Ivy’s home-made rhubarb and ginger wine was rather more potent than even she had realised.) I thought longingly of the cool interior of the train, imagining myself sinking into a seat and closing my eyes to ease the ache that was pulsing at my temples. My journey from the Cotswolds up to Manchester involved several changes with a long wait between connections, but it had to be done. I was due back at work in the café next day. Not to mention the fact that I was keen, as usual, to escape the countryside and get back to my home in the city, even though I hated leaving Ivy.

  ‘Will you get a taxi at the other end?’ Ivy looked worriedly at my weekend bag, which was stuffed so full, the zip was in danger of bursting. ‘That looks really heavy.’

  I nudged her affectionately, hoisting the bag further up my shoulder. ‘I’ll survive. Don’t worry. I’m a big girl now.’

  She smiled, forget-me-not blue eyes crinkling at the corners, her face tanned golden brown and etched with lines from a summer spent in the garden. ‘You might have just turned the ripe old age of thirty, but I’m always going to worry. Show me a grandma who doesn’t.’

  ‘Especially one who’s a mum and dad to me as well.’ I pulled her into a hug, which was a little awkward because of the bag.

  ‘I’ll phone you when I get back to Manchester,’ I added when she didn’t reply.

  Pulling back, I realised she hadn’t even heard me. She was staring directly over my shoulder at the opposite platform, and I turned, wondering what had caught her attention. Around a dozen people with bags and suitcases – some in little groups – were standing waiting for their train to arrive.

  ‘What is it?’ I asked, not recognising anyone.

  The intensity in her eyes took me by surprise. ‘There’s something I need to tell you, Holly,’ she murmured.

  I felt a twinge of apprehension but disguised it with a laugh. ‘That your rhubarb and ginger wine is at least thirty per cent proof? It’s all right. I already know that, to my cost!’

  She gripped my forearms. ‘Can you take a later train?’

  I shook my head. ‘This is the last one of the day.’

  ‘So go back tomorrow.’

  The Manchester train appeared round the bend. We watched as it glided to a halt and passengers began alighting on to the platform. Panic fluttered in my chest. Ivy and I didn’t have secrets. We knew everything there was to know about each other.

  What was it she needed to tell me?

  My heart fought with my head. ‘I’d love to stay another night, but I’m back at the café tomorrow morning, remember? And Patty’s already short-staffed as it is, with people off on holiday.’

  Ivy nodded, seeming to recollect herself. ‘Of course. I’m being silly.’ She forced a smile and let go of my arms. ‘You have to get back.’

  People were climbing aboard the train now, and the guard was walking along the platform, getting ready to blow his whistle.

  I took her hand and squeezed it gently. ‘I’ll phone later and we can talk then?’

  She kissed me on the cheek and shooed me into the carriage. ‘Quick, quick, or it’ll leave without you.’

  I found a seat and sat on the edge of it, still gripping my bag, full of uncertainty. Ivy had held my arms so tightly when she asked me to stay. Perhaps I should slip off the train and phone in sick tomorrow?

  But when I looked out on to the platform, she was smiling and waving, back to her normal self, and I thought maybe I’d imagined the flash of despair in her eyes when she begged me to change my plans. Ivy was forever saying the times we saw each other went by far too quickly. Perhaps she simply wanted to prolong our precious weekend together

  At the exact same moment, we both realised she was waving with a paper bag full of chocolate orange cupcakes that were meant for me. A speciality of the village bakery in Appleton, where Ivy now lived, they were our all-time favourite cakes and Ivy brought some for me whenever she came to visit me in Manchester. So then, of course, I had to rush to the door and grab the bag before the guard blew his whistle and all the doors closed.

  As the train drew out of the station, we were both laughing – me flopped back in my seat, breathless and giggling, and Ivy on the platform covering her face with her hands in mock horror.

  She blew me a kiss as the train drew out of the
station.

  I never saw her again.

  Eight months later

  Spring

  ‘You can cut all the flowers but you cannot stop spring from coming’

  – Pablo Neruda

  ONE

  I know I’ve cocked up again when Patty abruptly abandons the milk she’s frothing, and puts her arm around me.

  I swivel my eyes at her in alarm.

  My boss showers her dogs with love. But I’ve worked with her long enough – fourteen years to be precise, from being a Saturday girl at sixteen – to know that she’s fairly reserved when it comes to showing affection for actual people.

  ‘Oh, God.’ I bite my lip and throw a glance at the queue of lunch-time customers. ‘What did I do this time?’

  Patty’s mouth quirks up at the corner. ‘You’ve just given poor Betty spicy tomato pickle with her fruit scone.’

  I glance over in horror.

  Betty, one of our elderly regulars, is removing her coat and settling herself at a corner table, clearly relishing the prospect of taking the weight off her bunions and tucking into a delicious home-baked scone with strawberry jam and cream.

  She’s in for a nasty surprise.

  Patty grabs me before I have a chance to charge over, and the empathy in her eyes almost floors me.

  Ever since Ivy died, I’ve been walking around in a sort of stunned daze, doing things on autopilot. Which is why, I suppose, I gave Betty spicy tomato pickle instead of strawberry jam. And burned my hand on the coffee machine last week. As well as carefully spreading a mountain of rolls with gloopy baking fat before Patty noticed and stopped me. ‘Not sure our customers would appreciate the irony of having lard with their healthy salad sandwiches,’ she remarked dryly.

  In all that time, I haven’t broken down in public even once, but all of a sudden, I’m perilously close to losing it in front of the entire café.

  I dig my nails into my palms, which is meant to distract you from the emotion that’s threatening to knock you flat. It seems to work. And it’s also slightly less weird than crossing your eyes or rolling them around, other suggestions I found online.

  I solve most of my practical problems online. Ivy was hopeless at DIY so I grew up tackling all the odd jobs around the house to save us money. I even fixed a leaky tap once with one of those step-by-step Wiki guides. As a result, I tend not to be daunted by tasks that other people would run a mile from.

  My independent streak seems to baffle men. When they discover my parents died when I was four, they first of all think I must want to talk about it (which I absolutely don’t) and then they try to look after me and protect me from the big bad world. I should probably feel grateful. But instead, it makes me feel suffocated. That’s probably why my romantic history is peppered with fledgling relationships that I’ve ended because the guy wouldn’t give me the space I craved.

  My latest doomed romance ended last summer after Adam, who I actually really liked and thought I might even be in love with, started hinting – after only three months – that we should move in together. He obviously took it as an affront when I said it was a little too early to think about that – because two weeks later, he left me for a glamour model he’d met at his local gym. I told myself I was fortunate to have found out about his shallowness so early on, and I tried not to mind when they got engaged a month after they met. Perhaps I was meant to be alone.

  Ivy once told me I never gave romance a chance and she asked me if I thought I was running away from commitment. It would be natural, she said, after losing my parents so young, to fear the people I love might be snatched away from me.

  Privately, I thought this was simply daft psychobabble. The guys concerned were just not for me, that was all.

  ‘Go and sort Betty out,’ Patty says. ‘And then go away and sort everything else out, okay?’

  ‘But …’ I glance at the queue of people, all staring at us expectantly.

  She shakes her head, gently holding my wrists. ‘No buts, Holly. You were back at work the day after the funeral. Much too soon. And yes, I know the last thing you want to do is make the long journey back down to the Cotswolds and go through Ivy’s things …’

  I swallow. ‘And get Moonbeam Cottage ready to sell.’

  Just saying it makes my insides quiver. Moonbeam Cottage, in the heart of the Cotswolds, was such a huge part of Ivy’s life.

  ‘It has to be done.’ Patty’s tone is gentle but firm. ‘And the sooner the better, don’t you think?’ She pauses. ‘What would Ivy be saying to you now?’

  I smile, tears filming my eyes. I can hear her in my head, speaking with that lovely West Country burr: ‘Don’t you stress yourself, my lover. Everything will be fine. Sooner you get down there, the sooner you’ll be back home again.’

  I always trusted Ivy’s good sense above anyone else’s – except perhaps during those turbulent teen years when we fought as much as any parent and kid. She was a great mix of gentleness, modesty and steely inner strength, and I knew her better than anyone alive.

  But now she’s gone …

  I dig my nails into my palms until it hurts.

  My grandma was special. I was so lucky to have had her in my life.

  Actually, I never thought of her as ‘Grandma’. I always called her Ivy because, in reality, she was far more than just a grandmother; she was Mum, Dad and grandparent all rolled into one.

  She scooped me up when I was four years old, after my parents died, and took us off to live in Manchester. Goodness knows why she chose Manchester. I once asked her why on earth she abandoned her beloved Moonbeam Cottage in the tiny village of Appleton to bring me to a big city where we knew no-one at all. She just laughed, tweaked my nose and said, ‘Isn’t that what fresh starts are all about, my lover?’

  Ivy missed Mum so much – I’d hear her crying at night when she thought I was asleep – but she never ever dwelled on the day of the accident, at least not in my presence. She always said she preferred to look forward, taking me with her on our exciting ride into the future.

  As a child, I piggy-backed on her zest for life; she never let fear get in the way of having an adventure – even though, on a supermarket check-out/school cleaner’s wage, the height of her walk on the wild side was our annual trip to the lights and magic of Blackpool.

  Patty takes hold of my hands. ‘You don’t have to feel guilty about selling Ivy’s cottage, you know.’

  I nod, unable to speak.

  ‘Would you want to live in Appleton? In the heart of the countryside?’ she asks gently.

  ‘No!’ My insides shift queasily at the thought. Visiting Ivy there occasionally I could cope with. But live in Appleton? With all the painful associations I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to push from my mind?

  ‘Look, love, Ivy just wanted you to be happy. She would be right behind you, whether you sold the cottage, rented it out or turned it into a refuge centre for cow-pat-hating city girls like you.’

  I attempt a smile. It’s not the cow pats that are the problem, but I know that, in essence, Patty’s right. Ivy would have loved me to go with her when she moved back to the Cotswolds after she retired. But she understood that my fear of the countryside ran too deep for that. Ivy knew, as no-one else does, that the reason I cling tightly to my life here in the city is because I need to block out the past. It was why Ivy came to visit me in Manchester all the time. She wanted to make things easier for me. (Only rarely did I summon up the courage to go back to Appleton to visit her, and when I did, I could never totally relax.)

  Selling Moonbeam Cottage really is my only option. I can’t drag my feet any longer. It’s now April, four whole months since Ivy died, and I’ve been putting off my trip down to the Cotswolds for far too long.

  ‘And don’t worry about leaving us short-staffed,’ Patty murmurs. ‘Olivia’s finished at uni and, as always, my delightful daughter is absolutely desperate for cash. So she’ll happily fill in while you’re away.’

  ‘She’ll d
o a much better job than me right now,’ I croak, feeling the familiar fears trickling in at the thought of returning to the countryside.

  ‘Maybe. But listen, Holly.’ Patty grips my shoulders and makes me focus. ‘Promise me you’ll take care of yourself? Take some time to get that beautiful head sorted.’ Gently, she brushes back a strand of honey-blonde hair that’s escaped from my ponytail.

  She glances apologetically at the waiting customers. ‘Sorry, folks. Staff crisis. Be with you in a sec.’

  ‘Go,’ she hisses, handing me a ramekin of strawberry jam. ‘Your job’s here whenever you decide you want to come back, okay? Whether that’s in a month or even in six months’ time.’

  Her kindness is too much. I have to get away before I break down and make a complete fool of myself.

  ‘Thank you,’ I mouth. Then I rush over to Betty with the jam, collect my coat and bag from the cloakroom and step outside into the blustery spring day. It’s a wrench leaving the cosy warmth of the café behind, and as the bell on the door jangles behind me and a cool breeze lifts my hair, I wonder with a pang how long it will be before I cross the threshold again. With her daily dose of light chit-chat and practical good sense, Patty has almost single-handedly kept me sane.

  Ivy died on 14th December from a massive heart attack.

  My memory of the run-up to Christmas and beyond is a bit of a blur, but I do remember refusing to leave my flat, despite offers from my best friends, Beth and Vicki – and also Patty – to spend Christmas with them. After the funeral in early January, I went straight back to work, even though Patty told me I needed more time to grieve. I convinced her that work was good therapy. And so for the past few months, I’ve slipped into a safe routine: keeping busy all day at the café, going home to eat and mindlessly watch TV, then sitting in the darkened kitchen, with just the pool of light from an Anglepoise lamp, to do my sketching, hour after hour, often until well after midnight when my eyes are stinging. I know if I go to bed too early, I’ll only end up lying there, staring into the darkness, fretting about the future.